Daddy's thoughts

So here it is...five and half weeks into being a daddy and I thought...Ryan might like to hear what I have to say as well!

Today is our 3 year anniversary and we are blessed to have a larger family this year (Grimm doesn't quite agree yet but he'll come around). I have to stop and think about how the past few weeks has gone and when I've really come through for Robbi when she needed me to as well as when I didn't. It is so easy to get caught up in the motions of what you "need" to do during your everyday life that sometimes you forget what you should be doing. Cutting grass because it needs it vs. playing with your daughter because well...she's your daughter and nothing is more important right now. Robbi has to keep me in check because honestly I'm not as creative as she is so the constant talking and storytelling is surprisingly weird for me. I stare at Ryan's pretty face and make small talk but don't know what to say. I don't love her less, I just need some work :) She will straighten me out I'm sure...

So today of all days, I should be praising Robbi and how hard she works to take care of us all. There is one obvious response that I am fatter because she is such a good cook and loves doing that for everyone around her to enjoy. I think you probably don't realize how much she enjoys using that talent for everyone's enjoyment. There are also those things that you don't normally think of...She is the one who remembers the birthdays (Sorry Nick, she was busy that day and didn't remind me), she is the one who thinks about savoring the important memories with trinkets and stories that have never been important to me as a man that historically starts over a lot. She calls me out when I'm being stupid and we make fun of each other lovingly. Those moments of fun and friendship are constantly mirrored by the moments when she makes me feel like no one else exists in her world but me. She may reach over to hold my hand when she is sleeping in the car on a long trip or she may just look a me and say something cute but I recognize that I couldn't live without those moments in my everyday life. Those moments that show me that she wants me to be the partner and friend that she shares everything with regardless of where it takes us. We talk about raising Ryan and other babies to come and what we want out of life in 5, 10, 25 and 50 years. I have never had someone in my life that I even thought about those things with.

I heard yesterday on the way in to work this song that a guy was dedicating to his wife of 25 years and between thinking of Robbi and Ryan, I couldn't help but getting water in my eyes (from the humidity I'm sure)...I've heard it before and thought it was pretty but never really cared about the song until this morning...sorry if this is cheesy...

I WILL BE HERE by Steven Curtis Chapman

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear'
Cause I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
I will be here

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I will be here
Just as sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I will be here

I will be here
And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
Oh, I will be here.

I know sappy right...I felt pretty dumb for getting all emotional about it but it is what it is...

So...Robbi my looooove...I would not be able to do anything without you in my life. I didn't have a purpose, I didn't have goals or dreams, I didn't have a desire to make myself better. I was just here until you came into my life. Even now everything I do is to only provide for you and Ryan. I don't strive to make myself better for me but for you two. I love you and I love our baby that you made for us. Thank you for everything! You are the reason for me.