Jacob Conner Sullivan!

~the first half of this was written on my phone the night Jacob was born, and the other half I just worked on over time~

It's 2 in the morning and I'm lying here in the hospital, unable to sleep. My mind is buzzing! Today was an indescribable day!

This afternoon, just before lunch time, I realized that I was out of my heartburn medication , so I called my doctor to ask her to phone in a few more for me. While I was talking to the receptionist, my doctor walked by and realized it was ME on the phone and wanted to talk to me. She tried to explain her vagueness from my previous visit...apparently Dave was right (and he is basking in his ever-so-rare rightness) and we were supposed to just go into the hospital the day after our visit and fib just a little - tell them I had some contractions and that I was only 1-2 cm the day before, they would find me at a 3 when they checked me, and the doctor would come in and break my water when no one was looking. 

I reminded her that I was 39 weeks to the day, and she said "hey! Want to get induced today?" Then before I could even answer, she was calling the hospital on her other phone to see how busy they were. I heard her talking to the nurses, and then she said "Robbi, go on in!" 

What??!! Just like that?! I struggled for a moment with the decision...is today supposed to be the day? Should we just wait? Is this the right thing to do? Are we really ready for this??

Dave was upstairs in the office working from home. He has to hide out up there all day long so Ryan won't know he's home. I just ran to the stairs and yelled "Dave, get down here!!" He knew something was up, since I was blowing his cover, and he came gliding out of the room with a big grin. I told him we could go in if we wanted to and he said "let's do it!"

Perhaps something more planned out like this was the best thing, because it took us almost 2 hours to get out the door! It was right at lunch time, so I made lunch for everyone as quickly as I could. I knew I needed to eat something FILLING, Ryan needed to eat so she wouldn't be fussy, and Dave just needed to eat! Then Dave had to make a dozen phone calls, and get everything squared away with Ryan. She stayed with her bestest little friend, Maci, so it would be a fun day for her and she would be too preoccupied having fun to worry about where we were. 

Maci's big sister, Marena, came over to get Ryan. She was a huge help, keeping Ryno entertained while I packed up the last of our things and Dave put them in the car. I can't speak for Dave, but it was really really hard for me to say goodbye to Ryan. She has done a great job thus far being a big sister to Jacob in my tummy, and she understands as much as a 21 month old possibly can, but a huge life-changing event was about to take place in our little family, and she wouldn't be there for it. Obviously a delivery room is no place for her, but I don't know...I just felt like I was leaving her behind. We explained to her that Jacob wouldn't be in mommy's tummy anymore and that he would come home with us. She seemed confused and wanted daddy to hold her. 

We finally got in the car and made our way to the hospital. Traffic was fairly bad, as it was the tail end of lunch time, and Dave was not pleased! He went down several cut through roads to try to get around it, but there seemed to be a sea of cars at every turn. We were giggling the whole way there...don't these people know what is happening today?? MOVE!! Hahaha

When we arrived at the hospital, they were ready and waiting for us. I could tell right away that my nurse, Miss Amelia, was going to be fantastic. and she was!  She gave me my IV and just like that I was getting induced. She came in the room every 10 or 15 minutes to see if I was feeling anything, but I never felt a thing. She told me I was contracting when we got there, before the induction even started, and my contractions were 4-5 minutes apart. I swear I never felt a thing! Things moved SO quickly, I was contracting every 2-3 minutes almost as soon as the Pitocin started to drip. It took about an hour and a half for them to actually feel like anything. My doctor arrived and checked me, then went ahead and broke my water. It didn't hurt or feel like much of anything at all, and it felt like almost nothing came out...another uneventful  water breaking story. After that, my doctor ordered my drip to be turned way up, and my contractions became very strong very quick....I repeat- VERY strong...VERY VERY quick. 

They ordered my epidural and within minutes the epidural cart was wheeled in, but the anesthesiologist didn't come for an eternity! I kept saying "they need to get this in me, because this baby is RIGHT THERE!" 

just waiting on my epidural...

Daddy waiting for Jacob.

He finally came in and got to work. Once again, I told Dave to squeeze my hand as hard as he possibly could, as if he were going to break it, and I would do the same right back. He did a good job and I noticed later that I had cuts up my arms from his fingernails! The doctor numbed my back with a shot, which was the most painful part...it feels so gross and unnatural, and burns just a bit. Then he threaded the catheter down my back and I didn't have the leg-jerk-reaction that I did with Ryan. He put in my test dose of medicine and it was over. Phew!! The nurse said that a bag of epidural fluid was on its way up...and it took FOREVER to get there.

My legs started to go numb, but my pain wasn't going away. And then all of a sudden, things started to get really REAL. With each contraction, the pressure was so intense that I felt like I just HAD to push. I have always heard women talking about the "urge to push", but never really understood it....I do now. I was in tears, writhing on the bed, begging for my epidural drip to come in and my doctor to come back in so I could push. I don't know how to describe the pain...

My doctor came in and then ran out to change into scrubs. Sometimes I think that doctors and nurses do this everyday and it becomes so commonplace to them that they forget that WE do NOT do this everyday. It is a big deal for me, so HURRY UP PEOPLE!!

I felt like Jacob was going to shoot out of me if I didn't push, but the epidural wasn't really working yet. The IV bag had just started, my legs, back, and top of my belly were numb - so I was numb enough to be immobile, helpless, and extremely uncomfortable, but my lower belly (where the crazy contractions were) and my girly parts (where the REAL pain was) were not numb at all. And I started pushing.  And for all that I did not feel with Ryan, I paid my dues for this time around. I was not completely NOT numb down there, but I needed the pain meds to drip for a lot longer before it was going to be pain free. 

The doctor and nurses underestimated how ready Jacob and I really were and they were breaking down the bed as I was already pushing! It was all very frantic and rushed!

For the first half of the pushing, I held on pretty well. I did my work, I didn't complain or cry out...I was "okay" even though it hurt like hell.  He was already crowning within 1 set of pushes (a set of pushes is 3 big pushes during your contraction) and I could feel every bit of him in the birth canal. I only did maybe 5-6 sets of pushes to get him here, but around the 3rd or 4th set, it was just too much. The nurse and doctor were talking to me, constantly telling me how great I was doing and how perfectly I was pushing. Dave leaned down to me and I whispered to him "I don't want to TALK anymore!" I just kind of wished everyone would shut up except for Dave. He was the only one I believed...the doctor was going to say I was doing great no matter how lousy I was doing! If I had a question, I would just kind of whisper it to Dave because I only wanted HIS answer, and not 3 other answers from around the room. I asked him at one point of he could see Jacob's whole head and he said "yes!".

Like I said, it all became too much, and I even remember crying out "I can't, I don't think I can do it!" And then around that time, I had to have a serious "moment" with myself internally.  I thought to myself "it isn't going to stop.  They aren't going to pick you up off of this bed and take you down to do a C-section.  There is no time for that.  So, you can either keep doing these half-ass pushes and it will last longer and hurt more, or you can just give it everything you have and get it over with!"  

And let me tell you...willingly doing something to make yourself feel like you are being split in half like a wishbone is NOT an easy thing to do.  Not easy at all.  But somehow, I did it.  I did it because I had to, because I didn't have a choice, and because my baby needed me to.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done.  Why anyone would CHOOSE to have a "natural" childbirth is completely beyond me!!  The whole time I kept thinking "I can't wait until 20 minutes from now when it is all over...Think how much better everything will be in 20 minutes...I wish I were me 20 minutes from now..."

Well, once he started coming, it became obvious why it was hurting so much...
1- he was face up
2- he came out Superman style...his right arm stretched above his head
3- he was HUGE

I felt every bit of him come out...after you pass the shoulders it is kind of like the doctor just drags the rest of him out, so it's not painful, just strange feeling. He was quiet for a long time, I almost got a little worried that he wasn't crying! But he eventually let out one or two whimpers and it was all alright!

They put him up on my chest and I cried tears of joy, pain, immense love, and endless relief all at once. I never wanted a newborn that hadn't been cleaned up first laid on me, but they did it anyway and I'm so glad they did.  It is an instant in time that I will remember forever.  It was so quick - I looked at him, touched his cheek, said something-I-can't-remember, and it was over.  But what a great moment!  The world literally stopped turning.  I will never forget that pasty gray-purple little face in that instant.

Jacob's very first picture

Before I had started pushing, I told Dave that we needed to try to remember what the first thing we said to him was once it was over...we don't really remember with Ryan. Well, we failed again. It is such a MOMENT that you don't remember anything other than the emotion. Dave said he thinks I said "my sweet boy", but who knows! I do know that at one point I said "he looks like YOU!" in a very pouty voice to Dave. And then I immediately said "no, wait, he looks like your DAD!" Maybe someday I will have a child that favors me...but today is not that day.

Well, I will spare you all of the gory details that happen to mommy in the 15 minutes after giving birth, and just say that it was quite unpleasant for me. Dave got to go and be with Jacob by the warmer while they cleaned him up. Meanwhile, I was begging to be able to straighten my legs...they were numb and shaking and I was terribly uncomfortable. They were finally done with me and I was exhausted. I wanted to look over and watch them taking care of the baby, but all I could do was lay there and close my eyes. Dave was taking pictures of Jacob on my phone and walking them over to show me. I kept thinking "whose kid is THAT?" because he did not really look like any of us in the pictures! He looked like a little sumo wrestler - his eyes were all squinted up and his face was as round and fat as it could be. Anyhow, it felt like much longer as it was all going down, but from the time I was "all systems go" to the time I was all finished was 18 minutes.

100% exhausted - I have literally never been SO drained in my entire life

After the baby was done being cleaned up, I don't remember why, but I couldn't hold him yet. The nurse asked me if it was okay for Dave to hold him first, and I said "of course!" So daddy got to have him first. After a while, he was able to bring him to me and I got to feed him for the first time. I tried to sit up to burp him and realized I couldn't, so Dave had to finish the first feeding for me. I was in a lot of pain and still pretty immobile from the epidural. 

Daddy holding him for the first time

Mommy holding him for the first time

Daddy finishing the 1st feeding

Papa holding Jake

After that, we were moved from Labor and Delivery to a different room in Mother/Baby. It was so crazy how much you forget about taking care of a newborn. I was so sore and in pain while we were in the hospital that Dave really did most of the work. I couldn't get in and out of the bed very easily, so Dave would have to hand Jacob to me and take him from me to put him back in his bed. He changed practically every diaper. I tried to help, but he had to teach me how to change a little boy's diapers once we got home! I couldn't really walk around holding the baby, so Dave had to do all of that too. Luckily, Jacob was a very sweet baby and would wake up to eat and fall right back to sleep. 

Settled in for the night

I could not sleep that night (obviously...I wrote the first half of this post on my phone that night!) Maybe it was hormones, or maybe it was my brain trying to wrap itself around all that I had been through that day. Maybe it was the pain, or the crazy thought of having 2 kids now, but I could not even close my eyes.

Jacob had a test at 5:00 a.m., and after that, I finally dozed off until he woke up around 7:00. We spent the day resting, taking pictures, calling family and friends, and welcoming guests. The highlight of the day was when the Kardatzke family brought Ryan up to meet her new brother.  Dave met them in the lobby and walked them back. He held Ryan as they walked in together. She immediately saw me in the bed and said "mommy" in a somewhat worried little voice. I said hello and told her everything was okay. Dave brought her over to me and asked her where Jacob was. She reached down and pointed to my belly. Dave and I told her that he wasn't in there anymore and I pointed to the little tub holding Jacob. Her eyes absolutely lit up! Daddy walked her over to him and she didn't know what to think. She was very quiet and shy at first. Dave asked her who the baby was and she whispered "Jacob". Then he said "is he handsome?" and she said "yes" quietly. Then daddy asked "do you want to hold him?" and her eyes lit up again and she kind of gasped and said "yes!" 

Family of 4!!

Ryan getting to hold her new baby brother

She LOVES him SO much!!

He looks thrilled...

So Ryan climbed up in the bed with me and Dave sat Jacob across her lap. It was the sweetest moment ever. She smiled at him and talked to him. She petted his head and kept repeating "be careful, be gentle, be soft, be nice" and "Jacob Conner handsome". 

She held him for a long time, but we wanted our other guests to be able to hold him too. She did NOT want to let go of him, but we are working on sharing very hard right now, so we talked her through it and she eventually gave him up although she was not too happy about it. 

Our wonderful friend, Jayme, came to visit us as well. She brought Jacob a little toy, a sweet card from her daughter, Riley, and an awesome lunch from her parents' bakery. We were starving, and the hospital food was pretty much not even an option for us....yuck. She held Jake and hung out with us while we gobbled up our food.

Aunt Jayme and Jake with a sweet picture from her daughter, Riley

After that, my doctor came in to check on me and to do Jacob's circumcision. I made Dave go with him so he didn't have to go through that alone. Dave said that it actually wasn't that bad. All I know is that Jacob was completely worn out and sound asleep when they brought him back to me...poor guy.

Jake's going home outfit

We waited around for a few hours to be discharged. We were finally allowed to leave around 7:00pm. I held Jake in my arms and they wheeled us outside. As we drove home, Dave and I kept saying "we have 2 kids now"...

in the elevator, on our way home!!

first ride in the car!

I was not completely pleased with our stay at the hospital, and I would not choose to be at that hospital again. The staff was fairly UNhelpful...I basically had to ask for everything. If I had never had a baby before, I would not have known what to ask for and would have received practically no medicine, no instructions on how to care for myself or the baby...nothing. And even once I asked for something, they would not bring it and Dave would have to physically go to the nurses station to ask again, and even then, it would take a half hour to receive anything. They never really told me how to care for my stitches, and they gave me nothing but pain pills for them. They did not tell us how much or how often to feed the baby, or many details on caring for his circumcision. They did not tell us how to bathe him, or that you have to wait for the umbilical cord stump to fall off before giving him a bath in the tub...good thing we have been through all of this before or we would have been left clueless.

In the end, the baby was happy and healthy, so that was all that really mattered, but we were all too happy to be discharged as soon as possible, which was 24 hours from the time Jacob was born.

 hello world :)

 

 Our wonderful doctor, Dr. McGee!!

 Ryan's best friend, Maci, holding Mr. Jacob

Marena and Jake

 "Nice to meet you Jacob!"

I love this picture...the look on my face is pure love :)

sleeping

a tiny smile

sweet boy

what a face

wrinkly little feet

sweet hands

holding daddy's hand

Proud daddy talking to his boy :)

a big yawn after a very long day

Welcome to the world my sweet little man.  

~robbi

The Never Ending Pregnancy...

At my 37.5 week appointment, I did something I really shouldn't have...I was having a painful week and was just SO ready to have the baby that I worked myself up and set my hopes extremely high. I was all but certain that my doctor would check me and say that all systems were a go and I was ready to deliver, or at least she would have mercy on me and do SOMETHING to send me into labor.

Well, neither of those things happened. I started off the visit feeling pretty crumby because when they weighed me, I had gained FOUR pounds. I, of course, understand that gaining weight is a good and inevitable thing during pregnancy, but a healthy weight gain is more like ONE pound per week...where did I manage to find FOUR?? I felt like such a glutton as I sat there alone waiting for the doctor to come in. 

After she checked me, she said that I was not effaced or dilated AT ALL. She was actually kind of joking at how far from delivering I was, saying "oh you have AT LEAST two more full weeks!". I tried desperately to hold in my emotions until I was in the car, but as she was saying her goodbyes and had one foot out the door...I lost it. I absolutely broke down. My doctor slowly turned back around and closed the door again. She sat at my feet for what seemed like an eternity as I bawled. I just wanted to be left alone, but she just sat there. I tried to explain that I was just tired. I had had about 10 hours of sleep in the last 72 hours, my body was just failing me under the strains of an extra 40 pounds, and I was just ready to be able to hold Ryan again and get in the floor and play with her (pain free), but she seemed to think it was more than that. She told me that she sees me striving to be perfect and no one is perfect...of COURSE I strive to be the best I possibly can! Why wouldn't I? I don't think that I demand perfection, but I like things the way I like them!  She told me I try to "do it all"....but I do what I do because I love it (and Dave agreed with me here).  I don't choose to do the things I do because anyone is pressuring me to do them, nor do I feel obligated. I certainly have been down on myself in the final weeks of my pregnancy for not being able to do everything I would like to...I just physically can't do most things, and it is FRUSTRATING! Just the other day, I dropped a stick of gum in the car and as I watched it fall to the floor, my mind told me "you can reach that", but when I bent down to grab at it, Jacob quickly reminded me that I could not bend like that. I can't put Ryan to bed at night because she squirms and wants to be on my belly, which is quite painful, so I have to lay with my feet on the couch most nights as Dave does it. I can't cook the meals I want to anymore because standing in the kitchen for more than a half hour kills my joints and I will pay dearly for it later. I know all of these things will pass, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. I just feel like I have been this way forever...I first thought I might be pregnant at the Country Living Fair back in October....OCTOBER!!! That seems like an eternity ago!

Well, anyhow, I managed to compose myself enough to escape from that little doctors office and slipped into my car. When the radio came on it was on the Christian station and the song was about how this won't last forever and it is going to make you stronger, and I literally had an "oh just zip it already!" moment with God in that parking lot...which made me feel even worse. I cried the whole way home. 

At my 38.5 week appointment, I was feeling much better. I still was overly ready to have this baby, but I didn't have the expectations like last time. When the doctor came in, I coolly reminded her that she stripped my membranes with Ryan at 38 weeks and 6 days, and I was currently 38 weeks and 4 days...surely she would not deny me this service over 2 measly days!! She looked at me coyly and said "mm-hmm.  I've got you covered." 

The whole visit was strange. I'm glad I had Dave with me as a witness, because we left quite confused. I suppose that the doctor can't legally just come right out an say "hey, I'm going to try to push you into labor now" but she was SO overly cryptic that I felt like she never even said a complete sentence. She checked me and said I was 3 cm, but if I were to go into the hospital, to tell them I was 2 cm because then they would measure me at 3, which would be "progress" and they would HAVE to admit me. She said she could then come in and check me at the hospital and if my water "just HAPPENED to break during her exam" then we would be in full blown delivery mode. I understood that she was trying to HELP things get started, but I never understood if she actually stripped my membranes or not. I'm pretty sure she did, but not positive. She kept saying WHEN I started contracting to go right in to the hospital...so I figured that I would be having the baby either that day or the next. Two days later and NOTHI NG...

I have all but DRANK hot sauce, walked several miles, done some squats, bounced up and down...I am starting to believe that none of those little 'tips and tricks' actually work, they are all just coincidences that women do them and then go into labor. I remember with Ryan, I did all of those things too...I was walking, exercising, drinking raspberry tea, eating spicy food...none of it ever made one iota of difference!

I'm scared to death of having TWO kids...one is a handful, and now I'm going to have ANOTHER. It's mind blowing. But bazillions of people have done it before me with much less, so I know it will be fine. I may never have clean hair again, but it will all be fine! I think that Jacob will keep Ryan fairly entertained - she is really enamored with babies. I just keep trying to think back to Ryan's newborn days...those were some slow days! We literally had to take one day at a time...it was kind of a waiting game - waiting for the baby to sleep, waiting for her to wake up, waiting for the next feeding or diaper change - figuring it all out was a process! Some of the things I had to do with Ryan are coming back to me now...like pulling her bouncer into the bathroom so I could take a shower but still keep an eye on her. Or how she went through a LONG phase of only being able to fall asleep and stay asleep if she were laying on a pillow...once she was out I would ever-so-carefully transfer her and her pillow to the laundry basket and let her nap that way. 


Well, we will figure it out I suppose!


~rs

Jacob's baby shower

My friend, Jayme, threw an absolutely amazing shower for Jacob! I confided in her early on that I felt a lot of guilt as a mother because Jacob didn't seem as "big of a deal" as Ryan was. I suppose all second kids are that way...but I'm a second kid and I never knew the difference.  

Well, she said that she wanted to put together a luncheon for us, just a small get together with a few of my close friends for a special day just for Jacob. She told me repeatedly that it was going to be a small thing, and to not expect much. She wasn't going to decorate or anything, just lunch at some restaurant. LIAR!!!!! This girl managed to keep everything a total surprise from me.

I started the day off a little upset, honestly. I am not big on surprises...I actually hate them, in fact. I don't even like not knowing what my Christmas presents are! I was kept completely in the dark about everything up to that point, and Dave told me that morning that I could not wear a dress. In my emotionally pregnant state, I was devastated! I had planned on wearing a dress...that is what you wear to baby showers!! Not to mention I don't have many things that FIT anymore other than dresses! Pretty much all of my maternity clothes are plain t-shirt like tops, and I have NO pants other than jeans that fit...I was supposed to wear a t-shirt and jeans to my baby's shower?? Then he told me that I couldn't wear open toed shoes. This is where I really started to lose it! It was like 90 degrees outside, and now I have to wear sneakers?? This may all sound totally stupid, but I am very particular about certain etiquette, and I just didn't want to show up to his special day looking like a tomboy when everyone else was looking all cute! Plus I was hormonally emotional that morning anyhow.

I could not fathom a shower scenario where an 8 month pregnant girl would need anything more than a dress and some flip flops! He made it sound like I was going to be be doing a mud-run or something!  So, figuring that Dave didn't know what he was taking about, I started texting my friends to ask what to wear!! I ended up in jeans and flops with a semi-nice maternity top that I forgot I had, and I curled my hair to make be feel more gussied up.

After i finally got myself together, Dave and Ryan drove me out to this gorgeous house with a big pond out front. Dave told me that my day would start with a golf cart ride...how fun is that?! So I had no idea whose house we are at, and they put me in a golf cart and drove me through a pasture and out to a sweet little barn where Jayme and a few of my friends were sitting on pillow-covered hay bales. I was so confused at first! There was all of this yummy looking food sitting on top of a big cage that had REAL roosters inside! And they were talking a LOT! 

our rooster friends :)

There were donkeys right on the other side of the barn hee-hawing and cows coming up to see what was going on. There was a rocking chair in the middle of all of the hay bales that was draped with the (way overpriced) baby blankie that I told Dave I wanted so terribly bad for Jacob. The more I looked around, somehow, the more confused I became. I mean, I understood that this was Jacob's shower, but...

1-where WERE we??
2-did Jayme do ALL of this all by herself just for us??
3-and how did she manage to so perfectly fabricate this exact perfect scenario for me, without me saying a word to suggest any of this??
4-I thought we were going out to eat?? I thought she wasn't decorating??

Well, she got me. It was beautiful. It was  more of a "sprinkle" than a shower, since we already had a couple of big showers with our first baby and did not need a lot of stuff this time around. It was so understated, but so thoroughly detailed. There were no tacky shower games that we've all played a hundred times. Just awesome food, tons of character, beautiful scenery, a few gifts, and my good friends just hanging out in a barn. :) 

the barn!

the beautiful hostess!!

utensils and napkins stuffed into mason jars, which were our drinking glasses!

 strawberries and shortcake favors, Jacob's special baby book to sign

 Ice cream in jars

a few of Jake's gifts

 Ryan stayed long enough to nab several strawberries

Jordie and Kenzie

lovely Katie

giving Jacob a hand opening his gifts

Oh, and the owners of the place, Jayme didn't even know them! She said she just drove around one day looking for a nice barn to have the shower in, and after a dozen rejections, this man just said "well, my tractor is in that barn...but I guess I could move it! Sure, why not?"  hahaha!! She is much more outgoing than I am, CLEARLY!!

We had sweet tea, lemonade, and water to drink out of mason jars. The food was laid out in cast iron skillets and woven baskets lined with pretty plaid fabric. Jayme is a really good cook, so all of the food was amazing! The favors were sweet little baskets full of fresh strawberries and homemade shortcakes. Jayme sewed pillows to sit on on top of the hay bales that Dave "rented" from Ace Hardware (he went and bought all this hay, then returned it right after the party!)

We ate and hung out, talked and laughed. Everyone signed Jake's special baby journal and I opened everyone's sweet gifts. My friend Molly, who has 2 boys and is done having kids, gave us an entire wardrobe of awesome hand-me-downs...she gives THE BEST hand-me-downs!! A few people had to leave a little early, but then the rest of us stayed and just chatted for over an hour until Dave and Ryan came back to pick us up. I had SO much fun. I don't ever want to forget ANY of it!!


~rs

Maternity photos and nesting!!!!!

We had belly pictures for Jacob done last month. A photographer friend of mine (who was all booked up) recommended someone to me and we were beyond pleased with the results. The wind was blowing like CRAZY and Ryan was not having a great day. She didn't get a nap, except for maybe 30 minutes in the car on the way to our shoot. We had to wake her up when we got there and she definitely was not happy about it. She clung to Dave and would not let go or raise her head from where she had buried it in his chest. So we started out getting some belly pictures of Jacob and I. We were able to get a couple of good family shots by distracting Ryan by showing her a creek. Once she was starting to really open up and be in a happy mood, she was playing with daddy near a handrail and she fell forward and busted her lip open! It was heartbreaking. She was really really hurt and could not stop crying. Blood had splattered all over everything. I hate those moments...Dave and I feel so helpless as parents.

The rail Ryan would soon bust her lip open on...

Well, she finally came around and the pictures ended up great. I really liked the photographer and totally plan on using her again for family photos. 

My friend Makenzie is a kindergarten teacher, and her sister, Jordan, and I went to visit her at school one day with Ryan. Ryan didn't quite know what to think with all of the "big kids" around. She was very excited, but also a little shy. The kids thought that Ryan was just the greatest thing in the world. They could not stop staring at her! They circled around her like wolves and wanted to play with her and read to her. Ryan absolutely adores Makenzie and Jordan both, and she felt so special getting to visit her at work. 

I have been stocking the freezer with meals...for after Jacob's arrival or maybe to save for after Dave has to go back to work when a free hour for cooking might be hard to find, or perhaps even for the last week or two of this pregnancy if I just don't feel up to cooking. 

We went to buy all of the items on our registry that were left. We did not register for much, so we didn't get a lot, but the $$ sure adds up fast! (we did save a boat load of money with coupons, though!) The only things we lack are a few bigger items that we won't need for a while anyhow, so we can get them later if we need to. We bought a double stroller....I am unsure about it, but I feel like if we DIDN'T get one, I would feel like we always needed one. I just hope we get our money's worth out of it. I definitely still want to get a double jogging stroller so we can take them to the park for walks. 

I have been sewing a few special things for Jake. I made him a onesie with a bow tie and little suspenders, a crib quilt, and I am working on a blankie for him. I also want to throw together a few changing pads for him. Making things for him helps me visualize the reality of his upcoming arrival. I was talking to Dave the other night about how I just never really "see" him, or picture him. I just feel so preoccupied all of the time with Ryan, chores, errands and with drowning in the self-pity of  my seemingly never ending pregnancy, that dreaming about our future together doesn't come easily to me. With Ryan, it was much easier. My entire pregnancy was filled with making things for her, getting ready for her, reading all of the baby books, stocking a nursery for her....with Jacob, we have pretty much everything we need. The kids will be sharing Ryan's room - which is totally neutral - so there is no nursery to decorate just for him.  But I finally got around to nesting for him...I washed and put away all of his clothes in the nursery. Dave put together the cradle (with Ryan's help) and I set it up with his sheets, blankets, and noise machine. I pulled out the newborn bottles, washed them, and cleared out a space to put them in the cupboard. I've got his bath tote bag packed (we give baby baths at the kitchen sink, so we have a bag that goes back and forth from the counter to the changing table). Hospital bags are almost all packed. Mirrors are installed in the car, along with his car seat. 

bow tie and suspenders onesie that I made

 Jake's coming home outfit!

I was lazy and ordered it off of the internet, but I DID make him some pants to match!

 A matching dress for big sister!!

testing out the car seat on a "newborn"

Ryan and Daddy putting the cradle together