If it isn't one thing, it's another...

Okay, so the past few weeks have been a bit of a struggle for me. It almost certainly is rooted in my less than stellar attitude with this pregnancy...I am very ready to be done. I always say that I am pretty "good at being pregnant", meaning I don't get the morning sickness, high blood pressure, swelling, terrible heartburn, and other lovelies that are typically associated with pregnancy.  I generally feel good, energetic, and optimistic.  However, with a lack of time to work out this time around, as well as a toddler who is coming into her own to take care of, the walls have definitely been closing in on me.


It started out when I was having major pain walking. The pain eventually eased up, even went away for a few days. But then my hip would start to hurt and moving around became difficult again. Once that went away, the first pain would come back.  Then I started having acid reflux at night, adding to my difficulty sleeping. I was lucky to get just a few hours of sleep each night, and if I woke up at all, it was all over...I was never able to fall back asleep. My doctor prescribed me some medicine and it quickly took care of the heartburn.  So once I got the heartburn sorted out, I woke up one morning with a pretty bad sore throat. I devoured as much vitamin C as I could get my hands on and gargled with hot water and cayenne pepper....although it literally tasted like hell, it actually worked and I was able to fight off the sickness within about 2 days, without putting any drugs into my body. Somewhere among all of this, I found myself getting pretty down, possibly even depressed. I was just so tired of there always being SOMETHING wrong, always being in one type of pain or another. I was finding NO joy in my pregnancy and that made me feel even worse. I felt sorry for myself a lot. I felt like I was sitting in a never ending waiting room just waiting to not be pregnant anymore. While having so many personal issues, I totally forgot the fact that there is a real, living little guy in my belly who is totally dependent on ME right now.  I lost sight of the future in front of me...a new baby to delight in, snuggle with, and give endless kisses to.  I even have let Ryan slip into being a burden, rather than this fun, cool, smart little kid I get to hang out with all day.

Well, it's funny how God puts people in your path to help you through times like these...one Sunday, when I was feeling particularly low, barely able to walk, our Pastor's daughter caught me in the hall after church. Being pregnant herself, we struck up a conversation about our pregnancies, past and present. I told her how I felt like I was waiting around, basically stalled out, and she began to tell me how she felt the exact same way in her second pregnancy. She told me how she became convicted and how she overcame it.  She gave me so much encouragement and after that, I had about a week of feeling much more optimistic about my situation.

So for a few days, I felt relatively normal. Mild pain when walking, nothing out of the ordinary. Then the night before last we were having dinner and I ate a pretty typical amount of food, definitely did not OVER eat. But as soon as I got up from the table, I felt so full that I could barely function. I was so uncomfortable and I even started having a really intense hot flash. I laid down, I walked around, I got on all fours...no position was comfortable at ALL. I started feeling sick, so Dave got me a cold wash cloth for my neck and face, and I draped myself over my exercise ball to let my belly hang. I eventually found myself in the bathroom floor peeling off my clothes and wishing to throw up....which I did...a LOT. I thought I would feel better after that, but there was really no change. The baby was moving like CRAZY and not letting up. I was also having sharp pain in my stomach. I came back to our room to lay on the bed and I noticed that I was having dull, nauseating pain in my lower back. And all at once it dawned on me...that's contractions, right? As I laid there, I struggled with the thought of whether or not to call my doctor. I know that false contractions are much more common in second pregnancies, and I thought that I was making a big deal out of an upset stomach and Braxton Hicks. Then my mind drifted to this story I had read only the day before of a mother whose baby lost his heartbeat right in the doctors office and was stillborn at 37 weeks...and I decided that it's better to call over nothing than not call over SOMETHING. I tearfully explained what I was going through and she sent me to the hospital to be evaluated.

I was pretty hysterical the whole time. Besides feeling absolutely miserable - I can't remember the last time I felt so awful - I kept thinking "what if he is coming early??", not to mention I was a wreck over what to do with Ryan. Luckily, Dave handled it all and our friend, Makenzie, met us at the hospital to take Ryan. I went on up as she and Dave switched cars. They told me where to go and I was so pitiful as I made the very lonely and long walk down the hallway. When I came to the end of the hall, I turned around to the nurses station and quietly sobbed "I don't know where I'm supposed to be". They grabbed me up and walked me to a room where I sat all alone for several excruciating minutes. All I could think was "where IS someone?! My baby could be in trauma, and I'm sitting here in this stupid pink chair crying alone!!"

The nurse finally came in, as well as an admin to get me all set up. I didn't have my wallet or ID, so they had to look me up by my past records at that hospital. We literally grabbed Ryan and ran out the door...I had nothing, which made me feel pretty vulnerable and helpless. 

Dave came in, I was put in the bed, hooked up to a baby monitor, and asked 100 questions. Again, all I could think was "HELLO!? Can we make sure the baby is okay??"

They tested my urine and found I was "severely dehydrated". How in the world could I ever get dehydrated?? I carry a huge 24 ounce cup with me everywhere I go and probably drink more water than anyone I know! I had taken Ryan to the park that day for about 2 hours...it was quite warm out, but I never imagined I was so fragile that being outside for that amount of time would land me in the hospital!  

The nurse had to start me on an IV, which she was adamant about putting in my hand. As she stuck me, she literally fished around in there for a solid 2 or 3 minutes. She kept saying she was trying to 'save the spot', but it felt like she was dragging a fishing hook out of my vein. She then tried to start my IV, knowing it wasn't in correctly, and the fluid bubbled up under my skin. And it HURT!!! Then she tried the other hand...which yielded the same results. So I'm laying there with 2 bruised hands that feel like someone just smashed with a hammer...not even kidding, it felt like some tiny bone in my hands was snapped in two.

Dave walked out to find me something to drink and apparently stopped at the nurses station to tell them to get someone else in there to do my IV. Another nurse came in and quickly got one in my arm. It took a while for me to feel any better once they started me on fluids, maybe half an hour. They gave me some medicine for the nausea, but I was still having those nauseating contractions...

Side note- maybe I should explain...I have a difficult time discerning what is indeed a contraction. I imagine they should be quite painful, like a knife in your belly, but to me, they are more of just an annoying, slightly uncomfortable feeling. With Ryan, I started having contractions at 1:00a.m. and couldn't bring myself to the realization that I was indeed in labor until noon the next day when my physical therapist timed them at 5 minutes apart on the dot! I'm not saying that there aren't women who have knife-in-your-belly contractions, but I think that movies and TV tend to over-dramatize what childbirth CAN actually be like. Did you know I never once cried out in pain when having Ryan? I didn't feel a thing thanks to Mr. Epidural! I'm sure I made some struggling sounds because I was pushing so hard, and it can be hard to breath, but Dave says I was pretty quiet for the most part. 

So anyhow, back to the present...I was having dull, nauseating contractions across the top of my belly and in my lower back. They did an ultrasound on the baby, my kidneys, my gallbladder and liver. I had to lay in all sorts of uncomfortable positions, but mostly flat on my back which was not pleasant. Somewhere around looking at my gallbladder I had the guy stop and asked Dave to pull me up because I felt sick again. I threw up even more than I had before...Dave said a full 30 ounces...the bowl they gave me had measurements on the side.

Well, anyhow, the ultrasounds were all fine and the baby was perfect the entire time. The nurse told me I had a UTI so I had to have a bag of antibiotics for that...again, HOW did I get these things?? I have done absolutely nothing to merit having a UTI! After that bag was gone, I had to have another bag of fluids. It was just barely dripping and we stared at it for an hour, totally positive that none of the liquid had gone down at all. My good friend, Sam, who works at the hospital, snuck in to see me and gave the bag a good squeeze. It was nice to see a familiar face, and she even snuck me up a brownie...my tummy was completely empty! 

The nurse kept speeding up my drip, but it never seemed to go any faster. I laid there for probably 3 hours on this one bag. Dave and I decided that it was getting too late to try to pick Ryan up after we were discharged, so she stayed the night with Makenzie. Then we decided to try to get some rest because WHO KNOWS when this bag will ever finish! We were sure we would be there until morning. Dave curled up in a chair and I tried to find a position I could lay in while still picking up the baby's heartbeat on the monitor, keeping my IV arm straight, and working around the cords from the monitors and blood pressure cuff....it was not comfy to say the least. I was so exhausted, mentally and physically, that I was actually able to doze off, but it seemed the moment I would drift away, a nurse would come in or a monitor or alarm would go off, waking me up. Even in my sleep, I was very aware of the baby's heartbeat, and if it stopped on the monitor, I would wake up worried. 

Somewhere around 1:00a.m. the nurse came in and said we would be free to go soon. My contractions were 3 minutes apart the entire time we were there, but they said they were not the type of contractions that were causing any real changes or starting real labor. Still, hearing that you are having such steady contractions at only 31 weeks is pretty scary!! They checked my cervix and I had not had any change in dilation, so the nurse read us our discharge instructions and we were on our way.

When you leave the hospital, you are typically wheeled out in a wheelchair. For whatever reason, they didn't do that, and Dave and I just walked out on our own. It felt so strange, as if none of it even happened and we were just there for a visit. We were pretty quiet as we walked down the long hall, probably in awe of the crazy evening we had just endured. 

As we drove up to our house, Dave's heart sank and he said "how are we going to get into our house??". We had traded cars with Makenzie to avoid changing over the car seat, so we had no garage door opener or keys. Dave ran around the house trying every door, and even hoping he left his truck unlocked so we could get his garage door opener. No such luck. 

We sat in the driveway weighing our options. I was so tired that even the thought of sleeping in the car crossed my mind...and then I started to contemplate which window I wouldn't mind breaking. I didn't want to have to wake up Makenzie since she has sleep problems in the first place, and had to get up for work in a few hours. If only the dogs would just learn to unlock the door!!  Then I remembered that Barbara had a key to our house and she stayed up pretty late. I called her and we were able to drive over and get her key...it was at least 2:00 before we got into our house. The entire night was about a 7 hour ordeal that seemed more like an eternity...

Poor Dave had to get up at 5:30 to go pick up Ryan. I woke up with his alarm and never fell back asleep. When he got home with her, we all had breakfast together. Then Dave took Ryan to work with him to pick up his laptop so he could stay home with me for the day. Once they were home, I was finally able to drift off to sleep. 

What. A. Day.


So that was Wednesday/early Thursday.  And now here we are in the present...Friday.  Last night I had continuous acid reflux, despite taking my prescribed medication religiously, and kept having to get up to go to the bathroom as well...I have been trying to drink even MORE than usual to stay hydrated.  I barely slept at all.  Dave had to go back to work this morning, and I somehow came up with what I am sure is a sinus infection.  I'm telling you....if it isn't one thing, it's another.  I just hope that this is not a sign of times to come with this baby!  PLEASE let him be an easy baby!!


I will try to post something a little more positive this weekend...maybe some fun pictures :)


~ Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure ~

Spring 2012

So there is this ice cream place near our house - Berens Frozen Custard - that we like to go to quite often. We have been going there since they opened 2 years ago. The custard is amazing and they even give the dogs a free scoop, so it makes for a great small family outing in the evenings.

Ryan's interest in my ice cream cone had been steadily growing until I finally had to cave and give her a few licks, which turned into her and I always sharing a cone, which turned into her stealing my cone. So, for the very first time, we got her her very own cone! We asked the girl to just give her a cone filled with ice cream and shave it off at the top of the cone, no ice cream piled on top...and they don't even charge for it!

Ryan was thrilled and ate her little treat so cleanly, even pausing to ask for a napkin to wipe her mouth with. She gets upset if anyone tries to help her at all, and Daddy even tried to joke like he was going to eat her cone once...major no-no...

my first cone!

it's SO good!!

After our trip to Illinois, Ryan has developed a love for choo-choo trains. We try to accommodate her new passion as much as possible, but there just are not many trains near our house! We take her to the bookstore frequently to play with the train set they have set up in children's area, but one weekend we had a great idea...take her to Stone Mountain to actually RIDE the train!

Dave and I had a planned date night one Saturday night, so we decided that we needed to make the afternoon special for Ryan before heading out without her for the night, so that is the day we chose to take her. We packed a picnic lunch and headed for the park!

We went straight to the train to buy our tickets and didn't have to wait anytime at all for the next ride. We boarded the train and every time the whistle blew, Ryan looked around to see where the choo-choo was...it took her a few minutes to understand that we were IN the train that she was hearing!

Look at that, daddy!!

Look at those old trains!

Sitting with my mommy

Whoa.

She had a good time on the ride, but I think she just enjoys looking at the train the most. The engineer was nice enough to come out and take a few picture with her and she was giving him high fives and waving at him.

Hi there!

I just LOVE this picture!

After our train ride, we found a shady spot to have our picnic. After we ate our PB&J sandwiches and other goodies, Dave took Ryan to look at the fish in the lake. She had such a great time and we can't wait to take her back!

This is MY apple...there are many like it, but this one is MINE!

Stone Mountain!

I love my daddy :)

Here are some pictures of what we have been up to!

Sidewalk chalk with daddy!

pretending to put mommy's deodorant on,

laying on a suitcase

with every bow I own in my hair...

just another day around here!

We "met" Justin Beiber at the mall! Someone slept through it...

Stealing mommy's falafel sandwich...it's just my size...

helping feed baby Truett - going to be a great big sister!

daddy's boots!!

playdate with friend Riley!

playdate with Wesley...he's my boyfriend :)

New car!

After months of research, followed by 2 solid months of Dave haggling every dealership around to whittle of every dollar possible, we finally got our new family car.

It was really hard to give up my Xterra. As we drove away, even now as I see it in the dealership lot when I pass by....it still feels like MINE. I loved that car completely and never wanted for anything more. It was the first car I went out and got on my own, and worked my butt off to pay for. It took us on all kinds of trips to IL and NC to see family. It was my car in college. It was my car as I was single. It was my car as I was engaged. It was my car as I was married. We brought Ryan home in that car...I still remember the incredibly inappropriate song that was playing on the radio when we pulled away from the hospital. I remember driving that car around with a 6 week old Grimm in my lap, with his head hanging out the window. It never ever failed me. I had it for 8 years.

With our growing family, we just needed more room. We take our dogs with us a lot of places, and 2 adults, 2 dogs, a stroller and a carseat would just barely fit in the Xterra if we maneuvered everything just right. There is no way another carseat would fit. And any time we had company, we always had to take 2 cars because 2 people would not fit in the back with the carseat. I know that in reality, we could have made it work just fine...plenty if people get by with much less. But with 2 kids under 2 years old, a certain level of comfort and convenience comes into play. And we have been scrimping and saving to put away a large down payment for the past year because we saw this coming. So, as much as we are against having debts, we were able to pay for about half of the car and finance the other half, which we hope to pay on for no more than 2 years.

It is a really nice car and fits our family's individual needs as perfectly as any car out there possibly can. We had the car custom built for us to make sure it was exactly what we wanted, since this is going to be our family car until...well, until it doesn't run anymore probably!

We named it "The Ni-Night Rider" since it is black on black and will see many a nap ;)

We wanted All Wheel Drive, since we hope to move somewhere with actual seasons someday, and the AWD will come in handy in the winter.

Dave really was sold on the captains chairs in the middle row - 2 buckets seats rather than a full across bench seat - they will be good for the kids to have their own space, and it makes moving around in the back a LOT easier.

I was set on having 2 sunroofs - a regular one in the front seat and a moonroof that doesn't actually open in the back seat - because I would have DIED to have my sunroof to look out of when I was a kid, so I wanted that for my kids.

The back hatch opens with the push of a button - something we thought was really unnecessary at first, but after grocery shopping with a squirming toddler...it is nice...really really nice to have.

There is a 3rd row seat, so that when we have visitors we can all ride together. And there is still enough room for a stroller in the cargo area when the 3rd row is in use. Or the seat can fold down completely so that the dogs can ride with us with no hassles.

The 2nd row of seats move in a lot of different positions to accommodate a range of situations that may arise.

I can use my phone through the speakers, and there is even a USB port so we can just keep the iPod plugged in at all times and play it through the radio.

It has heated seats...oh how I love heated seats.

We went with black leather interior, even though I don't favor leather, we thought it would be easiest with kids and dogs. Messes will wipe off a lot easier.

And we got this special exterior black paint color that has a little bit of shimmer or sparkle to it up close.

It has a tow package already installed for our future boat and/or jet skis ;) haha

I'm sure there is more...but those are the main things.

I am still getting accustomed to it. It rides a lot differently than my old car - its like your floating on glass rather than bouncing around in a doom-buggy! Hahaha! And its a lot bigger and wider than my Xterra. In the Xterra, I could reach everything a lot easier since it was a smaller car all around. And my old car was pretty manual - the radio buttons, the AC knobs - this car it's all different and just takes a while to get used to.

But we are enjoying our new car, even though I will always miss my old car, we are very thankful that we were able to provide our growing family with something that suits much better.

Gardening with Daddy

Dave planted a garden again this year, and Ryan loves to help daddy outside when he comes home from work. It is the cutest, most heart warming thing ever to watch her follow right along behind him with her little bucket of water. She helps water the plants and scoops dirt with her little shovel. I've never really allowed her to get dirty before this...she was either too young or it was dark by the time daddy got home or the weather was too cold for her to be parading around the yard. But now she is big enough and listens well enough to not try to put every single thing in her mouth. It's hard to believe that there was once a time when she was afraid of the grass! Now, most days she has to be stripped down at the back door because she is soaking wet, covered in grass clippings, or dripping with mud. It is strangely endearing to see her in such disarray...I can only imagine how much fun this must be for her and I am reminded of how much I loved trudging through creeks and climbing trees when I was a kid. I am watching the wonder of childhood unfold right before my eyes, and I feel so blessed that we get to be a part of that.

Yep, them un-yuns is lookin good!

We may need more water, daddy

Farmer Sullivan

He is teaching her what the different plants are, and she will stand next to him pointing and saying "may-toe, un-yun, beanzz, cum-ba"...pretty cute, and pretty smart! When Dave finds a worm, he shows her and they put it in the dirt together - she is not afraid to touch them! And one night when they came in for dinner Dave asked her to tell me what she found and she said "PO-LEEEE!!" meaning roly poly.

Scoop!

Daddy showing me how to rake the dirt

my very own watering can

watering the strawberries for daddy

Ryan enjoyed splashing in the garden's water buckets so much that we decided that she needed a water table. These things are GREAT...it's just a table that holds water that they can stand at and splash, pour, dump, and play with the water and any water toys we throw in there. Dave found one for only $20 in a Big Lots mailer, so we headed up there one night after he got off of work to snag one. He assembled it and filled it up with water on the back porch. He sat out there watching Ryan play as I cooked dinner and when they came in to eat, he said that she had not made ONE PEEP the entire time! She loves it!!

how many pictures do we need, mom??

teeny weeny bikini!

oops! missed my bucket!

I could do this all day!

Illinois! Spring 2012

I wanted to get up to visit my family in Illinois before the baby is born and needed to do it before I got too big to travel. Dave had to go out of town for work for several days to D.C. and it just happened to be right around the time I was thinking of heading north. I don't like to be here alone, so we decided to drive up as a family, then Dave could fly in and out of St. Louis.

Our trip up was phenomenal. Ryan was OVERLY cooperative! She woke up around 5:30, which is unusually early for her, but we decided to go ahead and get up and moving. We had breakfast, finished packing, got ourselves ready, loaded the car, and it was 7:30 by the time we were out the door.

We only made one real stop the whole trip! I packed us a picnic lunch and we stopped at a truck stop to eat it and let Ryan and I walk around for a bit, then we were off again.

Somewhere in Kentucky Ryan dozed off for her afternoon nap and we pulled over to switch drivers so Dave could catch a nap too. When we stopped, I ran in a gas station to use the restroom, and that is the only stops we ever made...with a toddler and a water loving pregnant lady!! Seems unfathomable!!

We stayed with my grandparents in my hometown. Lots of family came over on Saturday to visit with us and my grandma made a big dinner for everyone.

Sunday morning, we went to church where I grew up before Ryan and I had to drive Dave to St. Louis to fly to D.C. Our friend, Damian, and his wife, Mary, live in D.C., so they picked him up from the airport and they all went out to dinner together.

Ryan and I had a great time with my grandparents while Dave was away. We didn't really do much of anything, but it's those small things that make for special days. We went on walks and enjoyed the beautiful weather. We watched countless choo-choo trains beyond the backyard. Grandma Judy taught Ryan all about birds and how they eat worms. Papa sat on the porch with Ryan and read books to her. He even taught her a new high-five....the "fist bump"! My great-uncle, Jim, is totally smitten with Ryan, and always comes to see us when we are up. He gave Ryan a couple of sweet toys, but her eyes lit up when he handed her a single dollar bill (she loves when she gets to put money in her piggy bank). My Aunt Sheila brought her some wonderful toys and read her lots of books too!

Hi Papa!!

Ryan smelled the daffodils in the front yard daily, and she picked a flower for her mommy for the very first time...my heart melted!! We pointed out endless cows, horses, chickens, dogs, birds, trucks, trains, trees and planes. We played on the school playground that I grew up on. We ran and played in the streets! (not many cars go by, so it's safe!) Ryan came home with bruised up and skinned up knees and I adore it. I don't say that to be mean, but that's it's a symbol of a kid having fun in the country...when is the last time you had a skinned up knee from having too much fun?

SMELL!

Bird!

Grandma Judy pushing me on the swings

It was wonderful having the extra sets if eyes and hands to help me with Ryan in Dave's absence, but the best part of the whole trip was watching my daughter interact with my grandparents, her great-grandparents, much in the same ways as I did as a child. She put Papa's cowboy boots on and it was like I was watching MYSELF as a child....because we ALL did that. I got pictures of her in Papa's boat...which I have a few pictures of myself sitting in his boat at that age. Ryan was completely enamored by her great-grandparents, as well as my aunt, uncle, and cousins. And I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual!

My "CUTE" face and wearing Papa's boots :)

In Papa's boat...this looks just like mommy as a baby!

My grandparents offered to keep Ryan Wednesday night as I went to go pick up Dave at the St. Louis airport. Luckily, it was late enough that all they really had to worry about was playing with her for about 30 minutes, then getting her to off to bed. They said she was no problem at all and went right to sleep...I always worry that she will be difficult for others and I just hate the thought of that!

the Easter Bunny came to visit Ryan in Illinois!

When I picked up Dave, we decided that we needed to cut our trip short a day and leave the very next morning so that Dave could get some work done Friday from home.

The trip home was not so good. Having to leave always makes me emotional, and leaving an entire day early magnifies it by 1000...oh, and did I mention that I am pregnant? We didn't pack anything the night before since Ryan was asleep in our room when we got back from the airport. So we didn't end up getting packed and on the road until about 10:30. Ryan fell asleep before we were even out of the state and had a pitiful 45 minute nap...the ONLY sleep she would get on the trip. Then it was time to stop for lunch, which takes about 2 hours. We got back on the road and ran into a completely miserable hail storm on top of a mountain...there was instantly about 3 inches of hail on the road out of nowhere! It was the loudest thing ever and I could just imagine the holes it was putting in the car....luckily, it wasn't our car! Hahaha! (the dealership we bought our new car from gave us a loaner to take on the trip until our new car was delivered). Ryan was not a fun passenger for most of the trip south...she was fussy, demanding, and nothing would suit her. I flopped my pregnant belly back and forth between front and back seats trying to appease her. We finally made it to the Georgia line and we stopped at the welcome center to feed Ryan a pathetic dinner of cold pizza, cheese crackers, and blueberries....all that I had left in the cooler. She was SO tired of the car, so we walked around with her for about an hour. She was in a terrible mood, and only daddy would do, so I took over driving so he could sit in the back with her. About 20 minutes down the road, the sky turned black and started to pour. I hate driving in the rain, plus I was in the middle of nowhere in a new car...we needed gas anyway, so I pulled over to make Dave drive again. We get maybe 3 exits down the interstate and Ryan reeks of poop. So we pull over AGAIN to change her at a truck stop. The changing table in the women's room was in use by a particularly fussy babe, so daddy took her to the mens room. He comes out looking quite flustered....there was no poop. False alarm. So back in the car, next exit down the road...I can't find my phone anywhere. I was sure I had not taken it into the truck stop with me, but I am so absent minded that Dave pulls over AGAIN to double check. I finally found it and we were off again. We were about 45 minutes from home and when Ryan REALLY pooped. We had to stop in the ghetto to change her, and no one had a changing table. So to improvise, we pulled out her stroller, layed down the seat, and changed her in the parking lot...I'm fairly certain Dave had his hand on his gun during this little episode. We made it home around 10:30....feeling like we had just been beaten to death. Dave and I were so over it, we never even ate dinner. We went straight to bed, too exhausted to unpack anything at all, be thankful that we made it home, or even laugh together at all of the CRAP we had just endured...

Little man update

We finally decided on a name for our little man! Dave had the final say this time around. We had a name picked out for a while, but we're a little unsure and weren't ready to fully commit. But when we had our ultrasound to determine gender, after they told us he was a boy, I kept thinking as I was looking at the screen "that's Jacob." Kind of the same thing that happened with Ryan. So after about a week of thinking about it, we went ahead and made it official...his name is Jacob Conner Sullivan. We both just like the name Jacob, as well as Jake, and Conner is in honor of my grandpa - it's his last name and his only son has only girls, so there won't be anymore Conners. Also, we apparently like to subconsciously name our kids the most Irish names we can think of ;)

The last boy born into my immediate blood family (the branches below my grandpa) was my older brother...33 years ago, so having a new little guy around is going to be quite a change!

Jacob is moving around a good bit these days. He feels much different than Ryan did. Ryan never changed positions. She laid in the same spot for 9 whole months just kicking the mess out of my ribs. But this little guy is a roller! He does kick, but he mostly kind of tumbles around. He pushes out a lot too. Sometimes it feels like he just decided to stand straight up!

I have been feeling good for the most part. Well, physically anyhow. Mentally I am in a stage where I feel very foggy...I am easily emotional, and it doesn't take much to hurt my feelings or make me get really down. And when I get down, it takes a LONG time to feel better. I feel pretty paranoid too...like everyone is looking at me, judging me, or talking about me. Very weird. Oh, and I feel very dumb too - baby brain has hit in full force. I can't think of words in general conversations! And when trying to explain something, I can't form the sentences I want and I go around in circles. It's like being a crazy person! Luckily, Dave is very understanding and helpful. When I feel like the whole world is against me, he can talk me through it and make me feel loved.

Recently I have been having a LOT of pain when walking...as in I can just barely walk. The pain is just under my belly, like where my leg bones click into my hips...I'm dancing around the words 'crotch' and 'groin' here...I talked to several friends about it who have been pregnant twice and they said they had it the 2nd time around too. My friend, Susie, said she even got so scared that she called her doctor about it and they said it was normal and to use a heating pad and stay off your feet. Well, I do those 2 things and it DOES help. It helps a LOT actually...but...I am NOT the kind to walk to stay off of my feet! I want to NEST! I want to cook meals to freeze, or scrub the shower, or vacuum the whole house, or take Ryan to the park to play, or push her around the neighborhood in her stroller on long walks for the fresh air and exercise! One day during her nap time, I decided to spend my free time lying on the couch, no TV, just laying there. I hated it. And I hated that I hated it, but I nevertheless...it was not what I wanted to be doing.

Dave is extremely helpful when he gets home from work. Most days he takes Ryan outside to play so I can finish making dinner, then after we eat, he plays with her some more and helps me clean up the kitchen. Then I lay on the couch with my feet up for a few minutes before getting in the shower with Ryan. And after our shower, it is pretty much couch time for me until bedtime. I want to be up helping him get Ryan off to bed, but by the end of the day, my body just kind of gives out on me sometimes. It is actually not THAT bad, but we don't want it to get THAT bad, so we are trying to have me take it easy as much as possible. I definitely do not feel as strong as I did with Ryan...I have NO time to work out this time around, and the first time I was working our at least 4 days a week, not including walking almost every night.

All of my doctor's appointments have been going well. Jacob is measuring right on schedule and doing all of the little baby things he should be doing. Heart rate is good, my blood pressure is good - even lower than it was with Ryan usually! I had my gestational diabetes test and passed with flying colors...and I did NOT pass out this time!! The girl who draws my blood now is VERY good and I barely feel a thing.

Once Dave can get Jake's ultrasound pictures scanned, I will post them. But until then, here are a few belly photo of us :)

21 weeks

23 weeks

27 weeks

Our sleep troubles

Ryan has always had a problem with going to sleep. Sure, she can pass out no problem in the car or in her stroller, which is usually how I try to plan her naps each day, but at night...well, sigh. She has ALWAYS wanted to be held. Rocked to sleep every night. When they are tiny, helpless newborns, it's not as big of a deal-those are the fleeting moments that everyone should try to cherish and soak up as much as possible. But an 18 month old who insists on being rocked, and then almost always wakes up when put down...not so much fun. Dave has been bearing basically ALL of the nighttime routine, since my belly is getting pretty large and Ryan squirms, climbs, flails around and kicks....not very comfy for me OR the little man.

She was also waking up 2,3, even 4 times a night. Again, poor Dave would handle it so the baby and I could rest and not have to deal with the stress. He is awesome, by the way. We refuse to co-sleep with her, since the dogs jump on the bed as they please, and we just don't want to have to break the habit later when there is a newborn in a cradle in our room...not to mention that is OUR space!! But on some nights, it would get so bad that we would find ourselves just giving up and wanting to LAY DOWN, so we would put her in the bed with us...she would typically snooze like a rock. Well, things were getting SO bad that we decided that Ryan just hated her crib. So we put a twin mattress on the floor and made it very cozy for her. The first 3 or 4 days were great. We would lay next to her until she fell asleep, which only took a few minutes. You could tell that she really enjoyed it. Then that started going south because she didn't want to settle down at night. She would waller around on Dave for upwards of 2 hours some nights. Eventually we just gave up and went back to rocking her again.

We were basically at our wits end. We have tried basically everything...from rocking to crying it out, I even made her go without naps during the day thinking that she could just be getting TOO much sleep. So I found a book at a consignment sale and we read about some different methods to get her down at night. I told Dave to decide what he thought was best and just DO it, since I am so baby-brained right now I can't even think of basic words in conversations.

He decided that we needed to go back to crying it out, but also a more
calm routine before bed, as well as getting her to bed earlier. And I am happy to say that what he is doing has been working well so far (I don't want to jinx anything, because she always seems to do well at first, then it all takes a nose dive!)

Ryan and I take a shower together after dinner, then Dave begins the wind down. After she gets out of the shower, it is all calm, soft voices, low lights and lots of cuddle time. He brushes teeth with her and reads books for a while. Then they say goodnight to her room, just like in Goodnight Moon...goodnight chair, goodnight door, goodnight sheep... Then he turns on Nickel Creek (her favorite right now) and slow dances with her for one song. He lays her down in her crib, pats her back, leaves the music on very low, and quietly leaves. The first night, she cried of course, and he went in to see her after 5, 10, and 15 minutes but never picked her up. She eventually gave it up and laid down and went to sleep. The next night, he went in once to see her, but it seemed to just make it worse, and she was out soon after anyhow. Now he does not go back in and she is down within usually 15 minutes. She will lay there calmly and talk to her baby or blanket, or just listen to her music for a few minutes before dozing off.

Her temperament has been better during the day since we started this. She was at a point of exhaustion and frustration and would get pretty cranky, needy and demanding during the times when she SHOULD HAVE been napping peacefully. But she is doing well now. Good sleep is SO important for little ones. Of course, it's nice for the parents too, but in the end, we really just want what is best for Ryan.

We have been on this routine for over a month, and I am happy to say that Ryan has found her groove! She actually prefers to be put down awake now. If she falls asleep in the car or stroller, she almost always wakes up when moved and that is the end of her nap. She wiggles away when trying to rock her, so I don't even try anymore! I dance with her to one song and lay her down. She talks to herself about her day for a little while, but typically goes to sleep fairly quickly. She naps for 1-2 hours right now, and usually wakes up refreshed and in a good mood. At night, Dave reads her a few books, they listen to music, and she is down in the crib by herself. She typically sleeps 11 hours on the nose.

So...the moral of the story is...crying it out WORKS. It is actually what they NEED. It seems so cruel, and it took us 18 months to finally commit to do it, but it WORKS! And they are so much better for it! I was always afraid that not getting her when she cried would instill a sense of worthlessness, as if she was not "good enough" or valued enough to be consoled when upset, or as if her being upset was not validated. I wanted to show her that we were always there for her. And I had read that picking them up when they cry gives them a higher sense of self-worth and better self esteem. That is why it was so difficult for us to get to this point. In the end, we figured she knows we think pretty darn highly of her, and she was just getting to be the biggest fuss ALL the time because of the sleep troubles. Not to mention, we were FRIED as parents! All of the things we WERE doing were not working, so we decided to flip it on its head and do something totally different. So we went for it, and after 3 nights...trust me...the next one will be broken MUCH sooner ;)

Babyland General

We woke up one Saturday morning with no real family plans for the day. Rather than squander the entire day running errands or doing remedial chores, I suggested we take Ryan to Babyland. Babyland is the home of Cabbage Patch Kid dolls. You can adopt handmade babies there, there is a small museum area with some of the very first dolls on display, nurseries set up with cribs full of babies, and best if all-Mother Cabbage, where a nurse delivers a doll from the patch right there in front of you! She has been very attached to her baby dolls lately, and I knew she would just love it. It is about an hour and a half away, and near where my brother lives, so we met up with him for lunch. We ate at a little country place that was not much more than a roadside stand. Everything was either BBQ or heavily fried, but it was pretty darn tasty!

When we got to Babyland, we couldn't wait to let Ryan see all of the babies! She immediately wanted to hold a little baby boy doll out of one of the cribs and put him in her stroller. Daddy helped her clip him in and she pushed him around. Then she got a different baby boy doll (little brother practice!) and climbed up in a rocking chair to rock him. She sat there rocking this baby for at least 15 minutes. It was adorable.

Rocking a little baby boy

Clicking the baby in the stroller

Pushing a baby in her stroller

She did NOT want to get up and we had to basically force her to move on! But we were able to distract her since there was a play kitchen in the next room. She ran right up to it and proceeded to prepare a tea party for herself and another little girl who was there. Then we let her wander around the store area for a whole as mommy and daddy followed behind. She found lots of dolls to hold, and even a stuffed dog that she played with for a long time. Then she picked a baby and found a doll stroller an pushed it around FOREVER! She is so loving and motherly to her babies. She pushed around the stroller like it was her DUTY, then she found a doll car seat carrier and put the baby in it and carried her around the store for a very long time.

She found a little table and chairs and sat the baby and carrier in a chair and sat down herself in the next chair, just like a realm mommy would do at a restaurant. She even rocked the carrier occasionally. She got to see a doll being born in the cabbage patch, but it wasn't very interesting to her.

Watching a Cabbage Patch Kid being born!

We made it out somehow without spending a dime, even though I think Dave and I both desperately wanted to get her the doll she carried around the whole time. I can't wait to take back again soon!

Lots of stuffed animals all around!

On the Cabbage Couch with daddy!