She was also waking up 2,3, even 4 times a night. Again, poor Dave would handle it so the baby and I could rest and not have to deal with the stress. He is awesome, by the way. We refuse to co-sleep with her, since the dogs jump on the bed as they please, and we just don't want to have to break the habit later when there is a newborn in a cradle in our room...not to mention that is OUR space!! But on some nights, it would get so bad that we would find ourselves just giving up and wanting to LAY DOWN, so we would put her in the bed with us...she would typically snooze like a rock. Well, things were getting SO bad that we decided that Ryan just hated her crib. So we put a twin mattress on the floor and made it very cozy for her. The first 3 or 4 days were great. We would lay next to her until she fell asleep, which only took a few minutes. You could tell that she really enjoyed it. Then that started going south because she didn't want to settle down at night. She would waller around on Dave for upwards of 2 hours some nights. Eventually we just gave up and went back to rocking her again.
We were basically at our wits end. We have tried basically everything...from rocking to crying it out, I even made her go without naps during the day thinking that she could just be getting TOO much sleep. So I found a book at a consignment sale and we read about some different methods to get her down at night. I told Dave to decide what he thought was best and just DO it, since I am so baby-brained right now I can't even think of basic words in conversations.
He decided that we needed to go back to crying it out, but also a more
calm routine before bed, as well as getting her to bed earlier. And I am happy to say that what he is doing has been working well so far (I don't want to jinx anything, because she always seems to do well at first, then it all takes a nose dive!)
Ryan and I take a shower together after dinner, then Dave begins the wind down. After she gets out of the shower, it is all calm, soft voices, low lights and lots of cuddle time. He brushes teeth with her and reads books for a while. Then they say goodnight to her room, just like in Goodnight Moon...goodnight chair, goodnight door, goodnight sheep... Then he turns on Nickel Creek (her favorite right now) and slow dances with her for one song. He lays her down in her crib, pats her back, leaves the music on very low, and quietly leaves. The first night, she cried of course, and he went in to see her after 5, 10, and 15 minutes but never picked her up. She eventually gave it up and laid down and went to sleep. The next night, he went in once to see her, but it seemed to just make it worse, and she was out soon after anyhow. Now he does not go back in and she is down within usually 15 minutes. She will lay there calmly and talk to her baby or blanket, or just listen to her music for a few minutes before dozing off.
Her temperament has been better during the day since we started this. She was at a point of exhaustion and frustration and would get pretty cranky, needy and demanding during the times when she SHOULD HAVE been napping peacefully. But she is doing well now. Good sleep is SO important for little ones. Of course, it's nice for the parents too, but in the end, we really just want what is best for Ryan.
We have been on this routine for over a month, and I am happy to say that Ryan has found her groove! She actually prefers to be put down awake now. If she falls asleep in the car or stroller, she almost always wakes up when moved and that is the end of her nap. She wiggles away when trying to rock her, so I don't even try anymore! I dance with her to one song and lay her down. She talks to herself about her day for a little while, but typically goes to sleep fairly quickly. She naps for 1-2 hours right now, and usually wakes up refreshed and in a good mood. At night, Dave reads her a few books, they listen to music, and she is down in the crib by herself. She typically sleeps 11 hours on the nose.
So...the moral of the story is...crying it out WORKS. It is actually what they NEED. It seems so cruel, and it took us 18 months to finally commit to do it, but it WORKS! And they are so much better for it! I was always afraid that not getting her when she cried would instill a sense of worthlessness, as if she was not "good enough" or valued enough to be consoled when upset, or as if her being upset was not validated. I wanted to show her that we were always there for her. And I had read that picking them up when they cry gives them a higher sense of self-worth and better self esteem. That is why it was so difficult for us to get to this point. In the end, we figured she knows we think pretty darn highly of her, and she was just getting to be the biggest fuss ALL the time because of the sleep troubles. Not to mention, we were FRIED as parents! All of the things we WERE doing were not working, so we decided to flip it on its head and do something totally different. So we went for it, and after 3 nights...trust me...the next one will be broken MUCH sooner ;)
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